Roid-Rage of the Rain

*** continued from previous post ***


Within seconds a few pitter-pats of God-juice turned into something much darker, much uglier and definitely much wetter. Think of a drop of regular rain. Now give it steroids. Make it do dual workouts at the gym. Give it a subscription to "Bodybuilder’s Monthly". Got a picture? Good. Now put seven of those together, squeeze them into a ridiculously small space like a Japanese commuter on an afternoon train, and you begin to see what I'm talking about.

When rain's big brother started falling, it actually stung my head - I kid you not. The drops were easily the size of quarters. And not wimpy Canadian quarters either, big burly 'real money 'Merican quarters' from THE STATES.

Ordinarily this would be no big deal. But I believe I have come to understand how a rock star feels: Groggy, confused, and unsure of their gender. No wait, that's not right. Unable to get away from people even when death is imminent, that's what I meant to say. I could not get my crowd of Canadians to shut the hell up long enough to put on some rain gear. Srsly. I am not kidding.

Each time I tried to make my way to the saddlebags, someone would come up with another question about the Vision. Or query my views on the nature of being, and whether we live in a self-constructed reality built from a mathematically provable 'fuzzy-cloud' of possibility spawning alternate dimensions that break from our own universe at every juncture of choice, or, are we simply existing in an illusionary prison of pre-determined fate. No lie. I thought that was a pretty insightful question for a third-grader. But apparently, other countries actually educate their young in the public schools, unlike in THE STATES where we are happy if they don't shoot each other. At least during social studies.

And, since I was trying to maintain my new-found image as, "the-guy you-think-is-living-the-life-you-dream-about-and-is-having-more-fun-than-you'll-ever-have-because-he-has-a-really-cool-bike-and-a-nicely-shaped-head-while-I-have-to-work-pushing paper-for-people-I-hate-and-am-horribly-worried-about-that-lump-I-found-under-my-arm-when-I-took-my-shower-this-morning-oh-God-it's-cancer-IT'S CANCER-I-just-know-it!!!!!", I just stood there like a moron and got wet.

*** the journey continues tomorrow ***