Letter to a Pirate

*** continued from previous post  ***


September 14, 2008


Dear Amber,


I hope this note finds you healthy and happy. I don't know much about OCS, and to be honest I may not have been listening particularly closely when you were discussing it with Mom at various points in the last two years. I was busy.


I hope that you're getting plenty of rest and fresh air. Do you have some sort of physical exercise program there at OCS? Pilates? Some low-impact aerobics? If you're going to be a Navy Pirate, you have to be in good shape. It can't be all "Arrrggghhh" this and "Yo Ho" that. At some point you may have to actually run or something - you know, if the pillaging goes awry - so that might be a good skill-set to develop.


Oh! Have you got to road-test any parrots yet? So. Flippin'. Cool! I can't stress this enough - you and your parrot are going to be lifelong companions, so don't become infatuated with colorful plumage or a large vocabulary. There is much, much more to a parrot than flash and a well turned phrase. And dear lord, try to get one that's shoulder trained. The cleaning bills for stripped shirts are outrageous.


How about your cutlass? Do you get to choose that, or is one assigned to you? And what about the dress code? Do you get to design your own Pirate outfit? If you do, go with red and black. It's a great color combination for your complexion. Although, you can't go wrong with basic black. Black just shouts 'I'm all evil and stuff, so hand over the Booty!'


Sorry for all the questions, but this Navy Pirate stuff is akin to a foreign land for me. Honestly, I didn't even know the Navy had Pirates! That reminds me, do you get to keep the treasure, or is it all turned over to Uncle Sam?


I'm so anxious to hear about the classes on profanity and drinking rum. Probably some plank walking thrown in there as well. Also, I imagine you're digging a lot of holes in the sand and drawing crude maps. What an adventure!


I hope you're enjoying these installment of Mom's and my big trip.


Love you,


Daddio


P.S. Had to evict the transients and while cleaning out your room we found 'the box'. If you survive OCS you are in big trouble Missy.



Tomorrow:  Chapter 2 - The Great Brown


*** the journey continues tomorrow