Fast-food Circus Midgets. WTF?

*** continued from previous post ***


The afternoon progressed much as it had since we left the ferry. A wet, sodden hell.

There is only one more remarkable thing that happened between the Tourist Center and reaching Carnack, AB.

Some town we went through, (and believe me they all began to run together at this point), had a McDonalds that provided easy access from the highway. It had been a couple of hours since our last stop, and we were both in dire need of warmth, food, and some time off the bike.

Now a McDonalds in Canada is like a McDonalds in the US, only more northerly. Booths are the same, layout of the restaurant is the same, menu (mostly) is the same. That sweet, sweet generic goodness that reinforces the realization that we, as a species, are really not so different from each other pours out of every napkin holder. It is strangely reassuring that we all have the need for a Big Mac and fries every now and then, and if the 'Quarter Pounder with Cheese' is called a 'Half-Liter with Curds', well it's not so far out of your comfort level to be disarming. In fact, it's just safe enough to be charming.

So, what made this stop unique?

We went to the rear of the restaurant to order, and I realized that the staff were all Circus Midgets. No kidding. They could barely see over the formica. I wondered if this was some government program to help the Little People, or if perhaps their Caravan had suffered a breakdown, and they were making some extra cash to get a new distributor for the elephant truck. The thought crossed my mind that I may be, once again, hallucinating, yet strangely everyone else seemed normal size.


*** the journey continues ***

Oh look! Shiny!

*** continued from previous post  ***

I tried to focus on the map again, just to make sure I hadn't made a mistake, but I hit the wrong button and became distracted by a new series of LOL Cats. Damn you barely literate felines! Must your antics amuse me so? Must your inability to conjugate a verb, or construct the correct tense send me into hysterics? Must you tickle the absurdity gene that seems to be prominent in my brain? I don't even try to squelch this passion anymore. All praise Ceiling Cat kthxbi! I make a mental note to donate a wad of cash to the 'Cheeseburgers 4 Kittehs Fund'. I think you'll agree in a nation as rich as ours, no LOL Cat should ever be without.

Right before I become completely immersed and stumble off into the dark reaches of the Interwebs, (By the by. . . did you know the Interwebs is a series of tubes? Who knew? Thank you Senator Ted Stevens for that bit of insight), Mom summons me downstairs. This can only mean trouble, and I think of hiding under my desk for a minute but I know that's just delaying the inevitable. Plus, there might be spiders under there. Ugh. So, like the good soldier I am, I trudge downstairs where your Mom, with furrowed brow, is surveying her collection.

"I think," she says glancing about the room, "that we may need to get an extra bag to tie onto the trunk. I don't see how we are possibly going to fit everything in unless we do."

I want to tell her that everything she has assembled to take on the trip would overfill a 3/4 ton truck, but I hold my tongue. Why? Well, I smell an opportunity to go buy another piece of gear for the bike. As you are well aware, no REAL rider ever turns down the opportunity to add to their bike-related accessories. The paraphernalia of the motorcycling world is vast and varied, but it all shares one thing in common - that crap ain't cheap. Yet the mantra of a good rider is 'more is never enough'. Unless you're talking about road-rash. Or rain. Or insurance premiums.

"Oh goody!" I squeal, "let's go buy things! Shiny, shiny things! We can go to the bike dealer, then down to Tacoma to that place with all the gear, then ---"

You Mom cuts me off mid-sentence. "Not so fast cowboy. I was thinking something cheap. And non-leather. Let's just go to the sporting goods store in town. I'll bet we can find something there."

Non leather? What heresy is this? I study her for any hints of all things PETA-y. Had she gone vegan on me when I was occupied? Later I would have to tempt her with bacon just to make sure. For now I had a different agenda.

*** the journey continues tomorrow