The Hidden Slavery of Canada

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I tugged at your Mom's arm, "Are those Circus Midgets?"

She leaned close and whispered "I don't know, and I don't care. I just want a burger and for this day to be over."

We waited our turn in line and I got a good look at the person tending the cash register. Why, these weren't Circus folk at all! These were children!

The boy, in a pre-pubescent octave only audible to dogs and squirrels said, "Welcome to McDonalds, can I take your order?"

Now I'm not kidding when I say this kid is young. What kind of a country uses forced child labor to serve hamburgers? What kind of monstrous society put's its youth into corporate slavery? This is the dark belly of Canada that they don't tell you about. This is the ugly flip-side to all the politeness and beauty and well maintained roads and health care for all.

He took our order and tried to make change. After fumbling at the till for a minute he said, "Um . . . can you help me? We don't learn subtraction until next week."

Your mother began to weep softly. "Just keep the change son, just keep the change," I said.

His face lit up like a carelessly tossed match at the gas station. "Thanks mister! Woo Hoo!" he shouted and held two quarters above his head in triumph. I didn't have the heart to tell him that I had given him a $20 for a $12.28 purchase.

Later we would discover that due to the boom in the oil and natural gas industries in Alberta, the minimum wage, service-oriented jobs were impossible to fill. So Canada had lowered the minimum working age to 14. They are seriously discussing lowering it to 12. No joke. Soon, I imagine, your fries will be served by toddlers. Oh, you'll get your order, but you'll have to change their diapers first.

So began our last stretch to the Holy Grail of the day – Hidden Valley Lodge in Carnack Alberta. Here we were to take a 3 day rest, explore the area, and enjoy the ambiance, soak up some nature. It looked like a fabulous place when I booked our reservations, and we were more than ready to get there. But we still had a bit of traveling to do, so we wolfed our burgers and with a heavy sigh once again hit the road.

After traveling for a few miles, Mom leaned forward and tapped me on the shoulder, "When will we get to Carnack?" Which really meant "When will be done with the Godforsaken day?"

I shouted into the wind, "Shouldn't be more than a couple of hours at the most. Maybe quicker if this rain would let up."

Yes, our day was almost done.

Or so we thought.


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Fast-food Circus Midgets. WTF?

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The afternoon progressed much as it had since we left the ferry. A wet, sodden hell.

There is only one more remarkable thing that happened between the Tourist Center and reaching Carnack, AB.

Some town we went through, (and believe me they all began to run together at this point), had a McDonalds that provided easy access from the highway. It had been a couple of hours since our last stop, and we were both in dire need of warmth, food, and some time off the bike.

Now a McDonalds in Canada is like a McDonalds in the US, only more northerly. Booths are the same, layout of the restaurant is the same, menu (mostly) is the same. That sweet, sweet generic goodness that reinforces the realization that we, as a species, are really not so different from each other pours out of every napkin holder. It is strangely reassuring that we all have the need for a Big Mac and fries every now and then, and if the 'Quarter Pounder with Cheese' is called a 'Half-Liter with Curds', well it's not so far out of your comfort level to be disarming. In fact, it's just safe enough to be charming.

So, what made this stop unique?

We went to the rear of the restaurant to order, and I realized that the staff were all Circus Midgets. No kidding. They could barely see over the formica. I wondered if this was some government program to help the Little People, or if perhaps their Caravan had suffered a breakdown, and they were making some extra cash to get a new distributor for the elephant truck. The thought crossed my mind that I may be, once again, hallucinating, yet strangely everyone else seemed normal size.


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